Coming out of a major breakdown takes forever. Not only am I dealing with pain, and loss of energy, I still need to deal with what put me in that position to begin with. So I have been, and it isn't easy.
Sometimes I just get so overloaded, that I just snap! I cried for two days and completely lost it on pretty much anyone around me. I had reason to snap, but I hate getting to that point. Problem is reminding people, hey I am sick! And I shouldn't have to. I think I go through this at least every six months.
Family and friends forget. They see you going about your day and just assume you are doing fine, even if your not, you hate saying you feel like crap all the time! Then your whining and they tune out anyways! This is why I think I don't say much. I don't see the point in it. As long as I am moving around, I must be fine...
Like I have posted before, "if they could only see the pain inside!" then they would know. That is what makes this syndrome or whatever the heck they want to say it is almost impossible for people to understand. Although, you can see the pain in my face. I don't hide it real well when it gets to the point of, OK in my bedroom, leave me alone! But I try not to do that because it is so depressing. So as the saying goes, I am fine.
My life has changed so much, that at times I look back and think, wow, I really have lived life if you look at all I have done, and the fun I had! So I can keep going knowing I didn't let much get pass me when I was healthy. I did have a lot of fun, and now I just need to relax, and take a deep breath and what happens, happens.
I need to be strong. It's the only way to fight this beast inside me. The only way to keep living. Never give up, or it will win, and that can not happen! I won't let it because I AM A SURVIVOR!
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