I am certainly struggling at this time. All my plans for myself have been put on hold, and my time and energy have been put into my daughter and her kids. I am exhausted and feel as though I am not helping enough. She tells me that just being there is enough, and makes her feel better. This is good then for her, but I am still struggling with my own issues.
I did not call soon enough to have my prescriptions ready for me when I left to go to my daughters house. Not good for someone who struggles with daily life to begin with. I went for 3 and a half days without my lyrica. That was ten doses I missed. I could tell the first dose i missed that I had not taken it. It is strange how I can instantly know, but you see, my body reacts negatively the moment it does not have the medication it needs.
Strands of muscles start to twitch and tighten. The strands that runs across my throat on either side of my neck tighten, and then spasm. It feels as if I am being choked, and it is more scary then anything. The feeling as if my oxygen is going to be cut off puts me into a panic! I start rubbing them trying to stretch the muscles back to how they should be. It's terrifying, and I cry every time. I hide myself so that know one can see. The panic always sets in and makes it worse. I manage to get through it, then my muscles are sore and very easily agitated if touched.
The pain from my groin in the right side shoots electrical shocks down my thigh and into my calves. Both sides do it, but the right is much more painful! Constant, and steady with my heartbeat. All I can do is stand and sit, maybe try to walk. But at times it is impossible! I jerk and quietly in my mind cry out in pain! I may make a grunting noise and hold my thigh above my knees and squeeze as hard as I can just to get through it! Trying to alter the pain at least in my mind.
My arms. What can i say, they are a nuisance to me. Same thing i grab above the elbows and squeeze as hard as I can, all along thinking I just want to cut them off! All my limbs, just cut them off! I may get some relief then. But definitely not total relief!
My back! Well what can I say, it never, ever, stops hurting. It is pain I live with everyday, whether its my shoulders, which is almost always a problem, or my lower back, which is also a daily thing. It's a matter of how much pain can I handle today. Not, does it hurt today! It is 24/7, 365 days a year, ALL the time! I rate these on a scale of what am I able to do today with how my back feels... My middle back is inflamed always and from my right shoulder following the scapula and into my ribs, running under my breast in front. This is intense pain. It takes my breath away! Like my ribs are broke or something to that effect. It is hard to take a breath. The pain is so intense, I must take slow shallow breaths and focus to get through them. This usually happens at least once a day. But this is all when i am on medication!
Now imagine the frustration I have been in for this week without the proper meds? Constant crying, confusion, no memory recall, and the pain?? Lets say i was a bitch this week. But I held the bitchiness in and turned it on myself rather then lashing out like i wanted to do! It is not anyones fault but my own that they meds weren't ready. I should have paid more attention to the bottles, so that it wouldn't happen. But my mind has been else where.
Worrying about everyone else has been taking over my life lately. And the worry is for legitimate reasons! I know better, and should take care of myself first. But it is easier said then done. This week has been hell on me, and yes I am struggling. Struggling with everything. Pain, sleeplessness, and fatigue, they have drastically taken over my life!
Did you know that with fibromyalgia, the brain lacks certain chemicals such as Serotonin, which is a neurotransmitter that helps regulate your mood? And Tryptophan, which is an amino acid that helps regulate serotonin. And another chemical they identified as substance P, a protein involved in transmitting pain signals from the nerves to the brain. Seems to me that certainly the lack of all three are connected and that is what they should focus on while looking for a cure.
So basically, something is wrong with my brain and I lack certain chemicals that the brain produces. Sounds crazy to me. Then how it affects the nerves in the body, it is so complicated, no wonder it is hard to figure out what to do for us that suffer. I just know that the Lyrica works for me. It doesn't take it all away, but it keeps it manageable for me. They say we feel pain differently, that our pain is more intense. Maybe, but I can tolerate a lot of pain, and when I complain, it is super bad!
Someday I hope to not struggle so much and I am able to do what i want to do, start a support group! I guess i will need o push it out another two months.... I want it running by May and have a home town awareness! After all May is awareness month!
I will continue my journey trying to reach my goal..! I will Survive! My family needs me, as I need them!
I did not call soon enough to have my prescriptions ready for me when I left to go to my daughters house. Not good for someone who struggles with daily life to begin with. I went for 3 and a half days without my lyrica. That was ten doses I missed. I could tell the first dose i missed that I had not taken it. It is strange how I can instantly know, but you see, my body reacts negatively the moment it does not have the medication it needs.
Strands of muscles start to twitch and tighten. The strands that runs across my throat on either side of my neck tighten, and then spasm. It feels as if I am being choked, and it is more scary then anything. The feeling as if my oxygen is going to be cut off puts me into a panic! I start rubbing them trying to stretch the muscles back to how they should be. It's terrifying, and I cry every time. I hide myself so that know one can see. The panic always sets in and makes it worse. I manage to get through it, then my muscles are sore and very easily agitated if touched.
The pain from my groin in the right side shoots electrical shocks down my thigh and into my calves. Both sides do it, but the right is much more painful! Constant, and steady with my heartbeat. All I can do is stand and sit, maybe try to walk. But at times it is impossible! I jerk and quietly in my mind cry out in pain! I may make a grunting noise and hold my thigh above my knees and squeeze as hard as I can just to get through it! Trying to alter the pain at least in my mind.
My arms. What can i say, they are a nuisance to me. Same thing i grab above the elbows and squeeze as hard as I can, all along thinking I just want to cut them off! All my limbs, just cut them off! I may get some relief then. But definitely not total relief!
My back! Well what can I say, it never, ever, stops hurting. It is pain I live with everyday, whether its my shoulders, which is almost always a problem, or my lower back, which is also a daily thing. It's a matter of how much pain can I handle today. Not, does it hurt today! It is 24/7, 365 days a year, ALL the time! I rate these on a scale of what am I able to do today with how my back feels... My middle back is inflamed always and from my right shoulder following the scapula and into my ribs, running under my breast in front. This is intense pain. It takes my breath away! Like my ribs are broke or something to that effect. It is hard to take a breath. The pain is so intense, I must take slow shallow breaths and focus to get through them. This usually happens at least once a day. But this is all when i am on medication!
Now imagine the frustration I have been in for this week without the proper meds? Constant crying, confusion, no memory recall, and the pain?? Lets say i was a bitch this week. But I held the bitchiness in and turned it on myself rather then lashing out like i wanted to do! It is not anyones fault but my own that they meds weren't ready. I should have paid more attention to the bottles, so that it wouldn't happen. But my mind has been else where.
Worrying about everyone else has been taking over my life lately. And the worry is for legitimate reasons! I know better, and should take care of myself first. But it is easier said then done. This week has been hell on me, and yes I am struggling. Struggling with everything. Pain, sleeplessness, and fatigue, they have drastically taken over my life!
Did you know that with fibromyalgia, the brain lacks certain chemicals such as Serotonin, which is a neurotransmitter that helps regulate your mood? And Tryptophan, which is an amino acid that helps regulate serotonin. And another chemical they identified as substance P, a protein involved in transmitting pain signals from the nerves to the brain. Seems to me that certainly the lack of all three are connected and that is what they should focus on while looking for a cure.
So basically, something is wrong with my brain and I lack certain chemicals that the brain produces. Sounds crazy to me. Then how it affects the nerves in the body, it is so complicated, no wonder it is hard to figure out what to do for us that suffer. I just know that the Lyrica works for me. It doesn't take it all away, but it keeps it manageable for me. They say we feel pain differently, that our pain is more intense. Maybe, but I can tolerate a lot of pain, and when I complain, it is super bad!
Someday I hope to not struggle so much and I am able to do what i want to do, start a support group! I guess i will need o push it out another two months.... I want it running by May and have a home town awareness! After all May is awareness month!
I will continue my journey trying to reach my goal..! I will Survive! My family needs me, as I need them!
My daughter and grandsons!
I love them so much!
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