I am so depressed. The ugly head of fibro has been rearing it's head, and I can't think, focus, or do anything. I am in so much pain, and under so much stress, and then I am sick on top of it! I need an escape, I can't handle it right now.
My eyes are unable to clearly focus, as my right arm won't do what i want it to do. The pain in my neck and shoulder are too much to bear. It has zapped me of all energy leaving me open to all kinds of invaders to attack my mind, body and soul. I struggle as I am typing, as to find the keys and words. I feel like giving up, but I know I must go on.
The stress I have been under, and feelings of grief and loss recently in my life that I have not dealt with. It was hanging as a cloud over my head which has now released the stormy rain. Every drop pelting me as to say deal with it! I can't. It hurts too much. My emotional state is unstable. I feel as though I may lash out, or start crying and never stop! I need to be strong for a little while longer, but the pain has reached the scale of no return. I am not just talking about the physical pain. I will deal with that, but the emotional pain I am in right now is excruciating.
I am once again dealing with the death of someone I loved very much. I am struggling to make sense of it all. I am thankful for being able to talk with her before the unexpected happened. Yet I have this sense of guilt that I should of been there more. I miss her laugh and her smile! I sit alone and I can hear her laugh, it makes me smile. I know her struggles are over now and she is with her mother and I am sure she is happy, finally. We were rebuilding a lost relationship that we had once upon a time. I was sure she was going to be ok. I guess you could say she is ok now. But I worry for her 9 year old daughter she left behind, her sister that has an enormous sense of guilt, and the rest of her family that she was out of contact with. I hope that they will be ok.
I recently have been in contact with friends of hers and my past. I am thankful to be able to share stories of brighter days past. It helps in someways, and will reunite what was once lost.
My daughter is dealing, or not dealing with the death as well. I am stressed about her health. I worry as the days go by, and she seems frail. Fighting her own demons, I try to stay strong to be there for her as any parent would. I'm scared.... I don't know if I can do it anymore. I am so completely exhausted.
My stress is not easily able to dismiss. I can't just let it role off my shoulders and move on, yet I feel trapped in it's horrible dismay. It is pushing me around, poking at me, taunting me. It won't let go, and I feel as if I am going to succumb to it. I have no strength to climb out, yet I must go on.
As I struggle with my commitment to not taking on the stress of others, I do honestly feel that this is my stress, and that I may need to understand that this is normal stress for me as an individual, and a parent, with extenuating circumstances. I feel my life can never be stress free, and this is something that I just need to better manage, But I don't know how. Every time a cycle comes, I get unbearably sick and the fibro takes over my life at the worst possible times imaginable. But as everyone knows who struggles with it, it will always bear it's ugly head under stress. So where does this leave me?
I am frustrated as I want to do a support group, which would not only help others, but myself as well. Life keeps getting in the way. How do I make it happen when I am in such a state? Everything in my life is so unpredictable, that I am scared to make a commitment to others because what if my issues get in the way? If I could get my daughters fathers side of the family to pick up some of the slack in trying to help my daughter, I could manage to have a life of my own and still support her emotionally. I can't do it alone anymore.
I am sad, and scared, and just down right exhausted. I am feeling so overwhelmed, and with my fibro flaring, I am no good to anyone including myself. But I must go on. I must survive for I can't let the beast take my life!
My eyes are unable to clearly focus, as my right arm won't do what i want it to do. The pain in my neck and shoulder are too much to bear. It has zapped me of all energy leaving me open to all kinds of invaders to attack my mind, body and soul. I struggle as I am typing, as to find the keys and words. I feel like giving up, but I know I must go on.
The stress I have been under, and feelings of grief and loss recently in my life that I have not dealt with. It was hanging as a cloud over my head which has now released the stormy rain. Every drop pelting me as to say deal with it! I can't. It hurts too much. My emotional state is unstable. I feel as though I may lash out, or start crying and never stop! I need to be strong for a little while longer, but the pain has reached the scale of no return. I am not just talking about the physical pain. I will deal with that, but the emotional pain I am in right now is excruciating.
I am once again dealing with the death of someone I loved very much. I am struggling to make sense of it all. I am thankful for being able to talk with her before the unexpected happened. Yet I have this sense of guilt that I should of been there more. I miss her laugh and her smile! I sit alone and I can hear her laugh, it makes me smile. I know her struggles are over now and she is with her mother and I am sure she is happy, finally. We were rebuilding a lost relationship that we had once upon a time. I was sure she was going to be ok. I guess you could say she is ok now. But I worry for her 9 year old daughter she left behind, her sister that has an enormous sense of guilt, and the rest of her family that she was out of contact with. I hope that they will be ok.
I recently have been in contact with friends of hers and my past. I am thankful to be able to share stories of brighter days past. It helps in someways, and will reunite what was once lost.
My daughter is dealing, or not dealing with the death as well. I am stressed about her health. I worry as the days go by, and she seems frail. Fighting her own demons, I try to stay strong to be there for her as any parent would. I'm scared.... I don't know if I can do it anymore. I am so completely exhausted.
My stress is not easily able to dismiss. I can't just let it role off my shoulders and move on, yet I feel trapped in it's horrible dismay. It is pushing me around, poking at me, taunting me. It won't let go, and I feel as if I am going to succumb to it. I have no strength to climb out, yet I must go on.
As I struggle with my commitment to not taking on the stress of others, I do honestly feel that this is my stress, and that I may need to understand that this is normal stress for me as an individual, and a parent, with extenuating circumstances. I feel my life can never be stress free, and this is something that I just need to better manage, But I don't know how. Every time a cycle comes, I get unbearably sick and the fibro takes over my life at the worst possible times imaginable. But as everyone knows who struggles with it, it will always bear it's ugly head under stress. So where does this leave me?
I am frustrated as I want to do a support group, which would not only help others, but myself as well. Life keeps getting in the way. How do I make it happen when I am in such a state? Everything in my life is so unpredictable, that I am scared to make a commitment to others because what if my issues get in the way? If I could get my daughters fathers side of the family to pick up some of the slack in trying to help my daughter, I could manage to have a life of my own and still support her emotionally. I can't do it alone anymore.
I am sad, and scared, and just down right exhausted. I am feeling so overwhelmed, and with my fibro flaring, I am no good to anyone including myself. But I must go on. I must survive for I can't let the beast take my life!
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