XOXOXOXO

Another day passing me bye; 

Another day that I cry. 

The pain inside is so great;

I feel that I may never escape.

I know I wasn't there for you;

And now there is nothing that I can do.

I never knew I was hurting you;

I didn't even have a clue.

I wish I could do it over again;

Then maybe your heart would mend.

 xoxoxoxo

Surviving

It has been so long since I was able to sit and write/type.  I am just surviving. I have been stressed with family matters, and my anxiety is through the roof.  My depression had been kicking my ass until I was finally able to get some meds about a month ago.  I drag myself out of bed every morning and think to myself,... "lord it's another day!"  I am never sure how I feel about it due to the anxiety I know it will bring.  I fight to wake myself up enough to make a pot of coffee that I will drink until it is gone.  I try to remember to take my meds, then struggle to remember if I took them all later on.

My husband gets up and I get a tight feeling in the pit of my stomach.  What is not good enough today?  Who is he mad at today?  I know he needs to just vent, but it increases my agitation and anxiety to the point of me just wanting to shut down.  I don't know what to do with my feelings and I just hold them in, it's all I can do.

The burning in my shoulder and neck is horrific.  I went to the chiropractor and I said my pain was at a ten!  I meant a ten!  He told me that if it was truely a ten I would jump off a bridge.  I was in total shock!  I suffer from pain every fricken day of my life, I know pain!  If I had a bridge to jump off of at the time I probably would of jumped off the damn thing!  How dare he think that I don't know my pain scale.  I know my pain scale.  I was taking two vicodins every four hours and it wasn't doing a damn thing for my pain!  I plan on going back and saying something, but I needed time to cool off.  I am still very angry.  But at least my depression is a little better so I can actually hold a conversation without crying my eyes out!

As I am sitting here I find my pain creeping up on my pain scale again, of course I have no meds though.  I don't often take them, but the worse my depression is, the worse the pain is! 

 I am stressed.  I am overwhelmed. I am exhausted. I hurt all over with no relief.  I want out of my skin.  Until another day...............
I WILL SURVIVE!