I don't know what to do. I am stuck, and I feel myself being sucked down by quicksand and I am unable to get free! I just need to break free! I am lacking all energy and enthusiasm to go forward. So here I sit. In the muck as everything continues to go on around me, yet I can not focus on where or what i should be doing for me.
I am trying so hard to move forward with my plan of starting my support group, only to have pushed my mind into despair over not getting any phone calls, or feeling like I can possibly move forward anymore. i just want this one consistent in my life, this line of support for me as well as for others!
So I am back in the glass ball looking out as the world goes by in strange rays of life that I know I should be a part of. I am not functioning again. I have no energy left, and I don't want to get out of bed or tackle any day! I need the sunshine! I need warm weather! I need LESS STRESS!
In a perfect world maybe. But as we all know, the world is not perfect, nor are we. So I am still here, but barely. I am trying to make it out of bed and just do something, but it is so hard right now. I focus on others as to hide my own illness and it takes its toll. I'm exhausted and I don't know which way to go.
I need people to understand that I will not give up! Not on myself, or my family! I just want our lives to settle down. i want my grandsons to feel like they have a stable home rather then having to go back and forth every week. I don't understand how any judge could say that it would be a good parenting schedule for children under the age of three or any age. It doesn't make sense to me. With that I really believe it is who you know in a small town.
So I continue to go back and forth to the cities to watch the grand boys while my daughter works. Just until she finds daycare that will accommodate her crazy schedule. Uggg..my heart goes out to her, she tries so hard to make sure she is always doing the right thing. I love how others just love to knock her down trying to make themselves feel better. It sickens me to no end, literally!
And she has such a pure heart, that she is beaten up inside all the time, it crushes her, and then it crushes me to see her that way. My stress levels go through the roof. I just want certain people to leave her alone! When there is no contact, she is fine, when there is, it is horrible!
Ok enough of that. As you can see my heart is fragile, and I am praying hard for things to settle down and take on a more "natural" course. Until it does, I am afraid that my stress will remain the same and I will be unable to live the life I so desperately need too. One of more solace with peace and happiness.
I am trying so hard to move forward with my plan of starting my support group, only to have pushed my mind into despair over not getting any phone calls, or feeling like I can possibly move forward anymore. i just want this one consistent in my life, this line of support for me as well as for others!
So I am back in the glass ball looking out as the world goes by in strange rays of life that I know I should be a part of. I am not functioning again. I have no energy left, and I don't want to get out of bed or tackle any day! I need the sunshine! I need warm weather! I need LESS STRESS!
In a perfect world maybe. But as we all know, the world is not perfect, nor are we. So I am still here, but barely. I am trying to make it out of bed and just do something, but it is so hard right now. I focus on others as to hide my own illness and it takes its toll. I'm exhausted and I don't know which way to go.
I need people to understand that I will not give up! Not on myself, or my family! I just want our lives to settle down. i want my grandsons to feel like they have a stable home rather then having to go back and forth every week. I don't understand how any judge could say that it would be a good parenting schedule for children under the age of three or any age. It doesn't make sense to me. With that I really believe it is who you know in a small town.
So I continue to go back and forth to the cities to watch the grand boys while my daughter works. Just until she finds daycare that will accommodate her crazy schedule. Uggg..my heart goes out to her, she tries so hard to make sure she is always doing the right thing. I love how others just love to knock her down trying to make themselves feel better. It sickens me to no end, literally!
And she has such a pure heart, that she is beaten up inside all the time, it crushes her, and then it crushes me to see her that way. My stress levels go through the roof. I just want certain people to leave her alone! When there is no contact, she is fine, when there is, it is horrible!
Ok enough of that. As you can see my heart is fragile, and I am praying hard for things to settle down and take on a more "natural" course. Until it does, I am afraid that my stress will remain the same and I will be unable to live the life I so desperately need too. One of more solace with peace and happiness.
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