And the weak shall be strong!

It has been weeks since I have been here to write,  not that I haven't thought about it.  I just have been stressed and sick.  I am still having problems with my arm tingling, and the cold weather has been making things miserable on my body.

My husband and I were talking yesterday about some of the symptoms I have been experiencing lately that are new to me.  I looked at me at one point and said, "your daughter is right, you are a hypochondriac"!  I looked at him as if you only knew how miserable I am everyday and you can make a statement like that?  I said to him, you live with me everyday, and you can see the symptoms I am experiencing, I am not a hypochondriac.  He said I know I was just kidding.  It hurt my feelings so much.  Then my thoughts went to my daughter and I just kept thinking, Why?  With all that I have been through, why would she say such a thing?

If my family can talk about me that way, why would I ever want to share this with anyone?  No one to talk to without being criticized in one way or another.  I can't even tell my doctor everything for fear of being looked at like I am completely crazy.  I haven't even tried.  I am frustrated with my family for not educating themselves and then having to deal with their remarks when I open up is ridiculous.

I know I would like to educate others about these diseases and the effects they have. Not just on your body but your life.  But the fear of the responses are so over whelming, especially when you can't even get your family to understand is still just too much!  Plus I am not sure which symptoms are from which diseases I have.

So let's see what I have, Thoracic outlet syndrome, Fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue Syndrome, Degenerative disk disease, IBS, Fused neck, Fused low back, neuropic pain, chronic pain syndrome, falling bladder, periarticular sclerosis in the inside of hip, arthritis, Hypothyroidism, an insufficient amount of vitamin D and allergies.  so which is causing what?  They are all bothersome and all affect one another!

So how do I explain, what I truly can't.  My eyes hurt from the light.  My ears ring all the time.  Pain through out my body.  feeling an over amount of gas and bloating, not to mention sometimes I feel like I am going to pee my bladder right out!  Oh and changing from warm to cold or cold to warm air makes me almost pee my pants!  That's a fun one.  Certain smells drive me crazy, and foods don't taste right at times.  I am over weight and can't exercise right, and did I mention I can't walk more than a block before my legs are completely burning on the inside and numb on the outside?  Even when the weather is going to change i know.  I start getting these electrical type pains in my arms and legs that shock me all the time, like holding an electric fence in my hands and waiting for each shock.  waiting to get shocked before the pain of the previous shock is over.  And people wonder why the depression is so bad!  How do people like me go on?

The strength has to come from within.  Within our souls.  Knowing that God never gives you more than you can handle is a statement I keep referenced in my mind all the time.  And that the weak will be strong in Gods presence.  I was given these challenges to over come as if I was chosen by God himself.  I realize I need to teach, but my struggle is hard.  Finding the inner motivation to actually get there is what I am trying to do.  Hopefully I can reach some people with this blog.  It is my start, not my end.  I will continue this journey with purpose and faith that I will get there when it is time for me to.  I will survive, for this is the path I must take for me!