Lets look at the stress I carry myself. I make a snap decision where I think I am helping someone, and then financially I am burdening myself. This is not new to me. I have done this all my life! My mom was/is the same way. We spend money to help others and leave ourselves broke and make due. I ask myself now, why would I do this? It is the thought of helping that is pleasing to me. It always has been. I've learned that I am not good with my finances at all. So I made a decision to stop and put myself first. This is not easy and I will be very challenged by this. But it is a gaol I have made for myself. So on this new journey, I will be letting you know how I am handling the stress of not putting myself last but first.
Secondly, I carry the stress of others. I tend to take on any and all of my daughters and husbands stress, worrying incessantly about what they are doing to alleviate it, or if there is something that I can do to alleviate it. Hence taking on the stress of others is not healthy. This is my second goal for myself this coming month. To stop taking on others stress.
Third, I accept the stress that others put on me by doing this, that, or the other thing for them! The problem is, I am at home so people think since I am not working I am able to do their running for them, or finding out information for them, or making phone calls for them. This is a huge problem because people don't understand that I am home for a reason. I can't work for a reason. I would not choose to be home, I would much rather be working! This one is the hardest for me. It makes me feel like I am wanted and needed so that is why I tend to take it on. Even knowing that I will probably flare really bad because of it, I still do these things thinking I am doing good and I AM needed.
The fact that I need to feel needed in its self is a huge issue. My family loves me and thinks that by asking I am going to feel better about myself. Which is true, but it leads to frustration and pain that I really don't want in my life. So this challenge to myself to stop doing so much for others will be extremely hard. I have been working on this one already for two years, and haven't made much progress. But I am determined to do better so that my quality of life will be better. In turn, I hope my family will understand the pressure it puts on me, and the pressure I put on myself, which is the greater of the two!
For someone living with chronic pain in their life, it is hard to find that place of comfort with boundaries without feeling guilty. It is a huge obstacle that we battle everyday. Setting limits with family and friends is not easy. You don't want to isolate yourself from them, because life is already isolite living with a pain condition. One does not live in the so called "real world". We live in an exsistence of pain. It torments us everyday, and it does not go away. Some days are better then others, but we are always in pain.
We are survivors! We live in this world crippled by pain, and we still manage to go on. Whether it is a day at a time, or like me most times, minute to minute, or hour to hour. As I am finishing this up, my hands in needles. I have taken seven breaks to relieve my hands, back, legs, butt, and feet. I will go on, I will survive!
seems you been doing a lot of soul searching i think identifying what triggers the stress is so important. i do a lot of the same things lisa. my mom always tells me, your daughter is gonna survive her teen years, are you????LOL so i gotta learn to mellow out on that one. she is a good girl, she is just a teen! well thanks for writing all this great stuff. it helps a lot to know someone else is going through ti too.
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